Dabawenyang Iska

it was awkward, hilarious and downright stupid. i swore not to be as irrational as the old me but nope, its still the same old same oh. i’ve been having trouble lately with my boyfriend… its been quite rocky. its my fault. and his too. but more of mine. its been how long? 4 or 5 months i think. and im not used to that… after a few months i get bored and look for other interesting pursuits. bad tiara.

a survey sponsored by a female mag once asked what kind of girfriend am i… i answered ‘im a bad girlfriend’. which is so true. sometimes i wonder why magz puts up with me and my neverending faults. for someone as understanding as him, i still cant help but find something i could hate about him and make a fuss out of it. silly silly me. and because we dont see other much…i kinda went uhm..astray? not the adulterous path…but pretty much leading to that. or at least my friends say so. haha.

this guy and i have been texting each other and even went out once but we were just friends thats all. i have a bf so no more dates, but what the heck it was just a friendly date. we had a score to settle, so to speak. we’re friends. cant girls be friends with their exes?

if magin finds out i have no idea how he would react. well, he claims he’s changed from hotheaded bull to a rational being…but i have doubts. nyahaha. fact is, i was gonna tell him but i never had the chance. we talked a little…then boom. he said something that had me choking up with the names i wanted to call him. bastard was definitely one of them. i intended to break up with him and told him so… good for him he thought of asking me to think about it. to think about us. and i did.

it took a whole night of thinking and searching for the right answer. i decided to keep this relationship. im not sure if this is the ‘right answer’ but i do know that i like magz…and i’ve learned to care for him. so i guess im in for the long haul.i just hope i wont get bored and look for much more interesting pursuits..haha.

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minsan naiisip ko kung bakit patuloy akong nakikihalubilo sa mga taong wlang ginawa kundi manggulo sa mundo ko. ngunit sa patuloy na pagmumuni muni napagtanto qng di ganito kakulay ang aking mundo kung wla clang mga pilit na humuhila sa akin pababa. marahil ay wla lng clang magawa, tulad ko. o malamang ay inggit lng sila sa kagandahan at talento ko. wahaha. kaya ang post na ito ay alay ko sa kanila. at oo, mahal ko kau kahit na alam kong pang mental ospital ang pagiisip nyo.
pamela wan ( two at three)
mula’t sapul ay di na kami nagkasundo ng babaeng ito. di ko nga maalala kung san nagsimula ang lahat. siguro nga ay bunga ito ng aming pagkakasunod. kc nman ang mga magulang ko di ata marunong magfamily planning kaya eto: we’re stuck with each other. noon pa man ay sya na ang bida sa bahay, kahit pa na ito ay dahil sa sya ay isang dakilang pasaway at pala-away. panaglihi ata sa world war 2. kaya aun, kung magisip ay parang nasa gyera. madalas rn kaming magsabunutan nun…sa mga kadalihanang may gusto syang nasa akin pero ayaw kong ibigay atbp.  naaalala ko pa nga nung nanalo ako sa spelling bee kung saan naging magkatunggali kami. kala ko ay papalipasin lng nya ito. ngunit hindi. gumawa ng malaking gulo ang bruha at sa huli ay binilhan sya ng something kasi nga may prize ako. kumusta nman un? lately, ay di ko na sya masyadong pinapansin. may sarili na akong buhay…malayo sa kanya…malayo sa kanilang lahat. akala ko ay titigil na ang negative vibes na galing sa kanya. pero hindi. ang laki kc ng galit nya sa mundo, sa akin, sa aming ina at ama. pero marahil ay di gnun ang pait na nadarama nya kung natutunan lng nyang laruin ang laro ng anak at magulang..kung di nya muna pinairal ang pagiging ‘im angry at you bcos ur chuva… echus at echus’ kc sa huli ay sya pa rin ang lugi. ang power ay nasa aming mga magulang…kaya kung pasaway k eh good luck na lng. kahit anong gawin nya forever na kaming nakatali sa kanila. kung minsan ay nagkakasundo rin nman kmi na duda ko ay dahil sa plastican. pero cge, go…keri lng. kaya lng ang di ko nagugustuhan ay yung parang kinokontra nya ako…at patalikod pa kung tumira. ano b ang gnawa q sa kanya at gnun na lng ang galit nya? dahil ba nasa up ako? dahil ba open ako kung ano ang gusto ko at nais matutunan? well, di ko na kasalanan un. ginagaw nya kong palaging reference point eh…meron bang i like this chuva music coz it has no screams etc (translate: coz my sister likes this kind of music). hay. cguro im reading between the lines na rn pero meron pang isa. narinig ko silang naguusap ng isang kapatid ko na in all sense ay talaga nmang mas close sila. ang pinaguusapan nila ay ang aking interes sa photography.  sabi pa nya, ung kaibigan raw nya magaling at magaganda ang mga kuha, ala-propesyonal di tulad kay ate na napaka-feeling as if nman magaganda ang kuha ko. well. totoo naman. d nga ako magaling dahil ang pinahayag ko lng nman ay interesado ako sa photography. at ibang uri ng photography ang gusto q compared sa kaibigan nya. ang nkakatawa lng eh bakit kailangan pa nya manggamit ng ibang tao? dahil ba sa hindi nya ako malalamangan hangga’t di sya gumagamit ng ibang tao? sigh. nakakalungkot na nakakaawa talaga.
to be continued….

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i deleted my previous friendster blog months ago and even gave it uhm.. a proper death. hehe. i tried to focus instead on other things…lovelife, work, school and my other blogs. but life, or at least my friendster life was never the same. it was fun at first, because having no blog in this network account gave me an excuse to read and view other peoples’ profiles. but as days turned into months and so on… i found it boring.  of every 25 friendster profiles only one or two seems to be interesting. the rest is crap. i had fun laughing over the photos though. i saw many frustrated models and artistas. hehe. and they are getting more imaginative and creative with their poses…i even saw one trying to do the famous ‘look ma, got no panties on’ of britney spears. and of course, the usual young hot mommas posing with their babies.a reflection i guess of how society has changed their view on teenage pregnancies and underwear.
later, after getting so bored and having nothing to do with my friendster account i decided to return to world of friendster blogging. but getting bored was not the only reason. a reason i still am not ready to divulge. hehe. so im back again… with a new blog…new thoughts… but still the same me. and yep…it feels good to be back.

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